Why am I here and what am I doing?
Updated: Oct 8, 2020
Not much.
A whole lot.
Crying right now.
This is difficult.
Not because everything feels wrong.
But because nothing feels right.
I am stuck, but I am free.
I long, but I am not done here.
I love, and I am loved back.
From a distance.
I balance it all, but do I really?
Or am I hiding in the pretence?
Am I crumbling?
Or am I building a stronger self?
Why don’t I know?
This should be easier, I feel.
Navigating troubled times from the heart.
But the heart doesn’t go along with yes and no, plus and minus, clever points.
My heart just shows me everything it holds.
It doesn’t pretend to rearrange the chaos.
But the chaos is what makes me cry.
The tears add to the pool of uncertainty.
How do I do this?
I don’t know, says my heart.
But I promise to keep beating.